Friday, January 25, 2008

I need a little bit of strength!

Today is T's 4th birthday. Two out of the last 3 years, this is the day that my New Year's resolutions have been forgotten and I've gone way off track. The only reason it's not 3/3 is because I was pregnant on her second birthday. And... well, today isn't going so good so far. I had to bake cupcakes for her party tomorrow and of course sampled a few of those (tried a new recipe so I had to make sure they were good, right?). So then I felt gross and lunch consisted only of two cheese strings. Then I dropped T off at school and K and I did some running around. I just wanted to binge!!! I ended up going through the Burger King drive through and ordered a chicken tendergrill sandwich. That in iteself wouldn't have been SO bad but instead of the honey mustard sauce they used to put on it, there was a ton of mayo on it. Great. But I ate it anyways.

So as I'm driving, I'm really trying to think about WHY I had this overwhelming urge to binge. After all, I've been doing great and feeling really strong! The only thing I could connect it with is the fact that I'm feeling a little frustrated/stressed. I have a lot to do and then got another phone call this morning asking me to do MORE. Kids were always driving me batty this morning, especially K. She has learned to climb up on the kitchen chairs, which means that I'm grabbing her off of the kitchen table every two minutes. Or getting her out of the dog food. Or from playing in the plant dirt. You get my drift....

I also haven't had the chance to workout yet today and I think that's a big reason I'm finding it easier to binge. If I work out earlier in the day, the rest of the day, my willpower is alot greater.

Well, I just put the cupcakes into containers and put them out in the garage. I brushed my teeth and am guzzling some water as I type this out. I'm going to try and go the Y after I get K to bed, if my mom doesn't mind watching the kids. I'm NOT going to let this day throw me off track again!!

EDITED 5:26 pm: Thank you for the comments! I'm reading right now cuz I'm still feeling like eating everything in sight. We just opened the mail and my daughter got a birthday card from her dad. It's the first time there has been any contact in over a year. And now I'm stressed... apparently he was in another rehab for the last year. Yes, this is the second time in 3 years. But now I'm freaked... what if he wants to have contact? I realize this is good for the kids but freaky for me!!


Lidian said...

Hi Holly, I'm on the Healthy You Challenge and wanted to say hi - your post about birthdays really resonated with me. I have 2 girls too (they are older and do NOT want me to write about them, lol) and I sure remember the cupcake thing...I think when I tend to go overboard is when I eat too LITTLE after I've had one treat, wwanting to make up for it. But then I get so hungry! Sigh. This happened to me yesterday actually so - still working on it!

Heather said...

I think sometimes its scary to think that this could be the year that you DONT fall off the wagon like you have previously. thats why you may be going through all of this. so in a way you are self sabataging subconsciously. I know that sounds like something out of a book, but I hae been there. I say, well I will fall off the wagon anyways, so I may as well start now. but you and I both know that you dont have to do that, and I am sure that this will be a differnt year for you. sure you had some things that you shouldnt have, but it doesnt mean that its over, that you are done or ended up the same as last year. every day is a new day, and just think over the past several years how much weight you could have lost if you hadnt given up around this time for the last years.

Shirls said...

just wanted to say, that yeah you might want to binge and even binge, but step back and look at the behaviour change you've had! seriously impressive, you sat and thought about it, you took the time to think about why, when did you ever do that before? Its a huge, huge deal, enjoy that! I'd say NSV on this one!

Selma said...

I get the kids thing. It's emotionally exhausting. Don't feel to bad about a binge. Count it on your points and move on. If I have the points/flex points, I still consider myself OP and that is all that has to matter for today. Keep up the wonderful work.


Scale Junkie said...

I think its great you are stopping and looking for the reasons behind why you want to binge. I really think its one of the first steps towards stopping that kind of behavior.

Just remember, every day is a new day, every meal is a new meal and a new chance to do something right for your body. It all counts, it all adds up.